In the contemporary U.S. an individual’s choice of partner – and related decisions about dating, sex, cohabitation, marriage, the division of household responsibilities, or remaining single – are typically understood as some of the most intimate, personal, decisions that one will make in a lifetime. Are they?
In this essay, consider the ways in which our individual “choices” are constrained by social (including economic, legal, cultural, and structural) factors presented during Weeks 7-9. How does the influence of these external forces shape your understanding of “falling in love” or “finding the one” – if at all?
Overview
As a human services adjunct educator, I strive to make seemingly dry subjects come to life for my students. A recent debate centered on the concept of social norms and their function in society as well as our daily lives. Observing my pupils’ dwindling energy reserves (I teach an evening lesson), I inquired:
Have you ever changed your behavior in public because you felt obligated to do so?
What happens if you don’t behave the way others expect you to?
Do you anticipate others to behave differently depending on their age, employment, or relationship to you?
The kids perked up, because these circumstances were all too familiar to them. This is due to the prevalence of social norms in our society, which are expectations that educate us how we should behave in specific situations. I described four characteristics of social norms:
They tell us what we should and should not do.
They are socially shared (that is, most individuals have a general grasp and awareness of the standard). They contain an element of control or sanction, which might elicit feelings of shame or terror if the social norm is not met.
They have the ability to restrain or greatly impact conduct.
We all know how to behave in a library as opposed to a rock concert. And we all know what happens when we pretend to be at a rock concert when we’re actually in the library. In other words, we make decisions about how to act on a daily basis depending on the social norms that govern our social contexts.
