Please read the story below and do the following questions at the end of the story.
“The Temptation of Lost Love”
This is a story about the experience of love with a man named David…college was a very interesting time for Dave. He had many interesting experiences during his time at the University of Maryland. He was six foot three with a muscular build, fair-skinned, with dark brown eyes. His short hair glistened in the sunlight like a bright light in a dark forest. He always had females in his dorm room and his roommates often said “You the man Dave, imma be like you one day.” Many people admired David and knew him on campus. He was the president of his sports club and an integral part on the club Racquetball team. After four years of hard work at Maryland, David was able to earn a Bachelor of Science in Mechanical Engineering. His parents were extremely proud of him because not only did he already have an esteemed degree, but he also had a job lined up. As a reward for all his hard work, his parents sent him on a Google cruise that was running a special for college graduates. The cruise was a two-week escape for college graduates to celebrate their achievements and go on an exotic cruise to the Caribbean. This greatly excited David when his parents told him they bought the ticket.
The day finally came when the cruise departed; Dave went to Florida, where the cruise departed from. Right when he began to think that there was a lot of pretty women on the ship…he saw her,: the most beautiful woman that he had known to that point, Her name was Christeen, and she was the apple of his eye since high school. She was five foot seven with healthy and beautiful flowing hair. She was just as he had remembered her from high school, only much more developed and matured; her features blended like a beautiful ensemble. The two had lost touch since high school because Christeen went to the University of Southern Dakota on a full scholarship, while he stayed back home.
“Christeen?” David exclaimed.
“Is that you Dave?” Christeen responded.
“Yeah, it’s so good to see you. I guess we just lost touch with you being on the other side of the world”. David laughed
Christeen laughed as well.
“How have you been?” she asked.
“I’ve been good. I graduated from the University of Maryland with honors in Mechanical Engineering. I have a job lined up with Google and I am currently looking for the right one, ya know?. What about you?”
“I too have just graduated from the University of Southern Dakota with a Chemistry degree. I happen to be coming back to Maryland after the cruise… unfortunately as it seems, my boyfriend, Doug, is moving with me.”
“Oh really?” Dave was immediately discouraged.
“I don’t really like being with him but my parents want me to marry him because he buys me all this fancy stuff and is damn near rich.”
“So what is the main issue between you two?”
“When you are twenty-five and the head of a major cooperation, power may tend to swell up your already enormous head.” Christeen says.
Dave’s confidence immediately fluttered.
“Well, I may not have that kind of money or be a CEO, but I would love to buy you a drink.” Dave said. Christeen took a moment to think about it, then said “Ssure”.
She immediately started smiling as David walked away, she always had feelings for him, but she never said anything about it. Christeen had many sleepless nights in the days after their first date. She then sought out how he treated his other girlfriends and was alarmed at what she found out. Two of her friends, who had dated David in the past, exclaimed:
“He’s a smartass. He’s no good enough for you. He does not have your best interest at heart. I regret I dated him.”
Through all this, she saw something in him, something in his heart that was genuine. The sensation of butterflies in a flutter filled Christeen’s once settled stomach. She toiled with the notion of being with him thoroughly, before she gave Dave the ok, that they could date. She then asked her younger sister who is indifferent on the whole endeavor, and therefore had a more unbiased opinion.
Christeen asked her sister, “What should I do?”
She simply responded, “I would always say…go with your heart.”
After a small period of contemplating and talking with her sister, she finally came to a decision to go on a date with David. The date went excellent and she felt like she was comfortable enough to take a chance with him. They started out catching up on what each of them has been up to since high school graduation. David talked about his internship during the summer of his senior year and how he immediately was offered a job upon graduation. Christeen talked about her time studying abroad in Australia and her humanitarian work and research while she studied in Spain.
As the night ended, Dave walked Christeen back to her room. It had gotten a little cool on the boat at night, so he gave Christeen his coat.
“Why does the night have to end?” David asked.
“All good things must end, sweetheart, it keeps the balance” Christeen replied.
“Good night beautiful,” Dave said and leaned in for a gentle kiss. At first Christeen resisted, but could not turn down his full pink lips.
After that night, the two high school sweethearts went out every night of the cruise to a different restaurant. Each night, they got closer and more interwoven, which allowed for feelings to build for each other. Christeen began to contemplate how Dave would treat her so much better than her current situation with Doug.
One issue still remained: Christeen’s parents and their affixation with her boyfriend’s riches. Her parents have constantly insisted that she marry Doug, even though he does not treat her the best. The parents appear to be more in love with his money as opposed to him. Christeen’s mind is telling her to stick with her current relationship, but her heart is saying break it off and get with David.
When Christeen gets back home, Doug surprises her with a brand new Lexus. She is totally shocked and baffled at the astonishingly shiny, and expensive looking vehicle . At that point, she was convinced that he is just trying to buy her love and not genuinely love her like Dave does. So then, in that instance, she decides to take a chance.
“Doug, I don’t think you and I are going to work out.”
“What?!” Doug exclaims. “I bought you a new whip for you to ride around and stunt in, and this is how you thank me? You’re not going anywhere, your parents love me and we are going to get married.”
“Doug, I am not going to be miserable for the rest of my life. I talked to my parents and even though they want me to marry you, they said they will support me in whatever decision I make.”
“Fine, leave. You’re not even that cute anyways. Get outta here!”
“And this is why we would have never worked out. Goodbye Doug. Have a nice, miserable life as the CEO of a company who will never find or understand how to truly love somebody.”
Christeen began to search throughout Maryland for David but sadly, she could not find him. Apparently, he moved not too long after the cruise. In an attempt to reach him, she tried to contact his parents, but was unsuccessful. She then asked his friends where he could be and eventually found out where his new home was. She waited until David got home from work on a certain dry, rainy morning.
“David, I love you and I want to be with you. I gave up everything. Doug surprised me with a new car and I didn’t take it. I didn’t take it because all I want to be with is you.”
David smiled, as Christeen jumped in David’s arms and began kissing him like he was the only man she would ever want in the world. They continued dating and eventually got married and had two kids. They lived out the rest of their years with strong love and an eternal bond that will never be broken as long as the sands of time turn.
1. How can I make sure that the readers will get my point?
Demonstrate response for each of the following:
a. Underline the first intriguing sentence in the story. Demonstrate why is it intriguing (for language, characterization, setting, atmosphere)?
b. Cut the first paragraph of your story and start with the most intriguing line you find afterward. Demonstrate out that first intriguing line.
c. What setting details and/or props tell us where we are at the beginning of the story? Demonstrate them out.
How can I make my character more likeable/or have my readers understand my characters more?
Demonstrate a response for each of the following:
a. What does your character want or is struggling with? Where is this desire first indicated in the story?
b. What idea or secret does your main character keep only in his/her thoughts? What is the reason for not telling anyone? If there isn’t one in the story what idea or secret can you develop?
How do I make dialogue “real?”
Think about why readers like dialogue–because they get to eavesdrop. With story dialogue readers are privy to intense conversations between other people that they wouldn’t normally have access to. Consider these strategies to develop the dialogue in the story.
a. Go back and mark all the places in your dialogue where information is given. “Information” means anything said for the reader’s sake, such as the character explaining who people are, past events, or future happenings. Mark also any conventions of speech such as greetings or pleasantries or closings. Highlight the markings you’ve made in a different color on your draft.
b. Tags and exclamation marks. Go back and remove all the exclamation marks and any tag that isn’t “says/said” or “asks/asked.” In their place, fill out the scene. Show the emotion or the way something was said by giving the character an action after or before the dialogue. Give them a gesture or a motion. Use the props in the scene. Is your character gripping something or tossing it or fiddling with it so that this action can indicate the character’s emotion? It can’t if it’s not written into the scene. Highlight the changes you’ve made in a different color on your draft.
c. What aspect of your character’s interior life will increase the internal conflict and complication of the story?
How do I end the story?
Demonstrate a response for each of the following:
Remember that short stories have a very small scope. Characters aren’t typically going to make grand changes. The term “resolution” fits stories because the ending’s job is to resolve the character’s conflict or struggle set up in the beginning. That’s it.
a. What is the change in your change as a result of the resolution? How is your character different at the end than from the beginning?
b. What is the image that your story ends with? Remember endings are often more about showing rather than telling.
c. Remove your current ending and come up with at least two alternate endings. Often writers can write “to” the ending because they have a set idea of what “should” happen. This focus has the danger of making your story stiff or artificial.
Who is the story internal conflict character?
What is this character’s internal conflict?
What is the external conflict(s) in the character’s way?
Does the reader have a concrete sense of where the characters are in space and time?
Are there enough steps between the exposition and the climax so that the nuances of the conflict are fully developed and the climax is understandable?
What is the climax point in the story? What decision has to be made at this point?
What is at stake for the character during the climax scene?
Is the climax dramatic enough, long enough, weighty enough to balance the length of the rising action?
How does the resolution satisfy the conflict?
a.) Your character has a container in his/her hand. What is it?
b.) It holds 3 things. What are they?
c.) Who does your character convey a message to? What is the message?
d.) What is your character most proud of?
e.) What is your character most ashamed of doing or being?
f.) If your character wanted to impress someone, what three things would your character say?
g.) If your character met you (the author), what would he/she think?
h.) Which one of the three things your character said to impress someone is a lie?
i.) Who is character’s closest confidant?
j.) What piece of information is so intimate that your character can’t tell anyone?
k.) Who is the one person your character is scared of? In awe of? Unable to approve of?
l.) If you character wasn’t scared, in awe, unable to approve of these people (or this person), then what would your character say to these people (or this person).
m.) What thing is your character embarrassed to have done?
n.) What’s the last thing your character sees before he/she dies?
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